Holding On
by Alcarcalime
Summary: A year had already gone by, but the memories of the past—the memories of him—continue on haunting Ginny. Outtake to After All.


**Holding On**

_You used to captivate me   
By your resonating light   
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind   
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams   
Your voice it chased all the sanity in me_

_These wounds won't seem to heal   
This pain is just too real   
There's just too much that time cannot erase_

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining brightly in the sky, casting vivid white rays all over the peaceful town of Hogsmeade. Ginny Weasley couldn't help but smile. It was the last Hogsmeade weekend of the spring term and the students would soon be heading back home for the two glorious months of summer break.

Ginny walked, almost skipping, along the High Street towards the Three Broomsticks where she was meeting Harry, Ron, and Hermione. She turned around and returned a greeting to a few Hufflepuff students in her Transfiguration class. She closed her eyes, reveling in the feeling of the warm summer breeze kissing her cheeks, making her long red hair fly about. She opened her eyes, smiling to herself, before closing the short distance between her and the pub.

Suddenly, a loud scream echoed in the air. The students' laughter was replaced by screams of terror and pain; echoes of different spells and hexes were carried in the air. Ginny found herself in the middle of a battlefield. She ran as fast as she could, ignoring the fallen bodies that lay along the length of High Street. She knew she had to get out of there.

Ginny felt herself falling to the ground, hitting the hard cobblestone road with a loud thud. An evil laugh echoed in the air. Everything around her started to whirl out of focus. She fought to keep her eyes open and not lose consciousness.

"Ginny, please wake up…" a voice whispered as she felt herself being turned over. "Gin, come on."

Ginny slowly opened her eyes and saw Harry holding her in his arms. He was crying. She smiled softly. She tried to raise her hands to his face and wipe the tears from his eyes but all she could do was watch him as he held her, as he stroked her face with that pained expression of his.

Harry held her tight against his chest, rocking her back and forth, stroking her hair, kissing the top of her head. He screamed her name.

She wanted to wrap her arms around him to soothe and comfort him, but again, she couldn't find the strength to do so. Her arms felt limp, immobile.

Harry cried harder as he buried his head in the crook of her neck. "Please don't be dead, Gin," he croaked, his voice faltering. "I need you."

Ginny frowned. "Harry, I'm not dead. I'm here," she whispered, smiling faintly at him.

But it seemed like Harry didn't hear her. He looked at her, tears freely streaming down his cheeks. Softly and painfully, he caressed her face before laying her back on the ground. He then lowered his lips onto hers, kissing her with a mix of gentleness and agony. He was pressing his face so close to hers that Ginny could taste his tears.

And with one last tender kiss, he pulled back. He gazed into her eyes.

"I love you," he whispered softly.

She smiled faintly and felt her heart jumping with joy. But just when she was about to reach for him and tell him that she loved him back, he was gone. Just like that. He was gone.

Ginny's eyes snapped open. The instant she saw darkness, she thought that she was lying wounded on the High Street. It took her a moment to realize that she was inside her dormitory, lying on her comfy four-poster bed and not in the cold, hard stone street. That everything had been just a dream.

She sat up on her bed, pulling her covers up to her chin, tears welling up in her eyes. She'd had that dream again, the dream she'd kept on having for the last year. Her dreams of Harry.

Ginny closed her eyes as her fingers traced her lips. She could still taste his lips on hers, the bittersweet taste of his kiss, his salty tears.

It had been almost a year since the final battle, since Voldemort's defeat. A year since they'd begun to believe that Harry was gone… dead. But Ginny would not believe it. She was the only one who believed that Harry was still alive. Gone, yes, but alive and well. She couldn't logically explain why because she just knew… her heart just knew that he was alive. Her heart kept on telling her not to believe that he was dead, to keep believing and hoping that he was alive.

And this dream was one of those things that made her hold onto that hope. It had been the same thing over and over again—Harry finding her lying along High Street, crying and begging her to be alive, kissing her with that bittersweet kiss of his, and then he was gone. Sometimes it was just the kiss, sometimes it went on until he was gone. No matter how many times Ginny had that dream, it was always the same. And when she woke up, Ginny could always feel the weight of Harry's lips on hers; the taste of Harry's kiss lingered, as if it had really happened.

Just like what was happening now.

Ginny's eyes roamed around her dark dormitory and she could just make out the framed photograph on her bedside. It was a picture of her, Ron, Hermione, and Harry the Christmas before last. They were all smiling brightly at the camera, and Harry threw a snowball at her. He laughed as she punched his shoulder.

She reached for it with shaking fingers. She sat there looking at the photograph of the three people closest to her heart, remembering the times they spent together, those happy memories she had. She looked directly at Harry's smiling face.

"Harry, where are you?" she whispered softly. "Why did you leave us? Why did you leave me?"

Ginny sniffed and wiped the tears from her eyes as memories of the past year flashed before her—the day of the final battle. The day she lost them. The day she lost Harry.

The minute they had out found about the attack, Ginny had known what Harry was feeling. His face was devoid of any expression—not even fear registered in his features. But she had known that, beneath it all, intense anger was bubbling—the same anger she had been feeling. The same anger and pain caused by Voldemort.

She had known he wanted to rush to Hogsmeade and find Voldemort and that no one could ever stop him—not Ron, not Hermione, and not even her. When he had fled to the dormitories, Ginny had known that, once again, Harry had felt that he was alone, that he was fighting this battle on his own. Coupled with the determination to avenge everything that had happened, from Percy's and her father's deaths and that incident with the diary during her first year, Ginny had followed his retreating back to tell him that she'd fight alongside him, that he was not alone. That he had her.

But it hadn't gone well as she had hoped. Harry had closed off himself again, and the last time she had seen him was when he was at the castle gates. He was looking at her, but because she was still angry at him for shutting her out, Ginny had looked away, not knowing that it was the last time she would lay her eyes on him.

The last memory Ginny had about the battle was that she had fallen on the ground after being hit by a spell cast by one of the Death Eaters, but she could remember clearly what had happened when she awoke in the hospital wing:

_Amid the chaos—people were running here and there as the screams of the injured mixed with the survivors' cries of anguish—Ginny saw her family gathered around her. Her mother sat at her bedside, her eyes full of tears, as Bill, Charlie, Fred, and George stood supportively above her._

_With all the strength she had left, Ginny reached for her mother's hand. "M-mum?"_

_Mrs. Weasley slowly raised her tearstained face, and the moment she saw her daughter awake, she immediately wrapped her arms around Ginny. _

_"Oh, God, Ginny. Thank God," Mrs. Weasley whispered breathlessly, crushing Ginny in her arms._

_Ginny was still too weak to speak so she just let her mother hold her as tears fell from her own eyes, thankful that no one had been hurt, that everyone was safe. Mrs. Weasley clung to Ginny as if her life depended on her daughter. _

_"It's okay, Mum," Ginny murmured against her mother's hair. "It's okay."_

_Mrs. Weasley lifted her head and looked at Ginny longingly. She brought her hands to Ginny's cheeks, brushing the tears and the stray strands of hair from her daughter's face. "My baby. Oh, Ginny."_

_Ginny tried to smile in spite of her tears. "Mum…" _

_But another pair of arms muffled her voice as they enveloped her. Ginny found herself in Bill's embrace, followed by the rest of her brothers'. They held her the same way, squeezing her so tight that they almost crushed her little frame in their arms as tears streamed down their faces._

_"Thank God you're alive, Gin," Fred whispered, stroking her hair almost too gently. "We thought we'd lost you, too."_

_At that moment, Ginny knew that something had happened. She had never seen the twins like that. Never in her life had she seen her brothers break down the way they were—not even during their father's and brother's burials. Back then, they had been able to control their emotions, not like now. _

_After agonizing minutes, Fred let go of her and planted a kiss on her forehead. It was only then that Ginny realized she had not seen Ron yet. _

_"Mum, where's Ron?" she croaked, trying to regain her voice._

_Mrs. Weasley turned to Ginny with her eyes glistening with tears. She closed her eyes and reached for her daughter's hand. "Ginny, dear, Ron's gone. So is Hermione."_

_"Wh-what?"_

_"He's gone, sweetie," Mrs. Weasley whispered softly, glancing at the bed next to hers._

_With trepidation, Ginny followed her mother's gaze and saw two figures covered by a sheet of cloth and a few strands of red and bushy brown hair were sticking out from under the sheet. Ginny closed her eyes as she erupted into uncontrollable sobs. She felt her heart constrict as the image of her lifeless brother and friend filled her mind. She knew she had been bound to lose someone again, but she never thought that it would be them. _

_"We found them along with Professor Dumbledore and You-Know-Who's bodies. They're all dead," Charlie said._

_At the mention of Voldemort's death, Ginny knew that Harry had survived. She quickly opened her eyes and glanced around frantically, looking for the familiar mess of black hair. She tried to sit up and searched the nearby beds, but there was no sign of Harry. Panic raised inside her._

_"Where's Harry?" Ginny asked, desperation and urgency clear in her voice._

_Mrs. Weasley caught Bill's eyes as if asking him if she should answer Ginny's question or not. Fred, Charlie, and George exchanged nervous glances._

_"Have your rest first, dear. You're still weak," Mrs. Weasley said instead, avoiding Ginny's question. She reached over and stroked her daughter's hair, gently pushing her back onto the bed._

_Ginny sat up, her chest pounding hard. Her mother's answer wouldn't have been like that if Harry was okay. _It couldn't be_. "No, Mum, I'm fine. Where's Harry? Please tell me he's okay."_

_Mrs. Weasley looked down and Ginny could see tears escaping her eyes._

_"Where's Harry?" Ginny croaked. "He's okay, isn't he? Isn't he?" She turned to her brothers. All of them had their heads bent down._

_Mrs. Weasley looked up to her daughter, wiping the tears from her own eyes. "Honey," she began hesitantly, squeezing Ginny's hand, "we didn't find him. He's gone."_

_Ginny stared at her mother in disbelief. _No, it couldn't be._ She turned to Bill; he just nodded. _No!_ She turned to each of her brothers and all of them closed their eyes._

_"It can't be. Harry can't be dead! HARRY CAN'T BE DEAD!" Ginny cried, pounding her fists on her bed as a waterfall of tears cascaded from her eyes and her shoulders shook uncontrollably. "Voldemort's gone. Harry has to be alive. HE'S ALIVE! NO!"_

_Mrs. Weasley wrapped her arms around Ginny, trying to silence her. "Ginny… shh… Ginny, dear…"_

_"No! He can't be dead! Harry's not dead! He's alive…" Ginny cried, her voice faltering._

_Ginny broke down in her mother's arms. So many of the people who mattered most to her were gone. First her father, her brothers, Hermione… and then Harry._

Harry.

_She fell limp as a fresh set of tears surged. Even though she was alive and well, Ginny felt that she had died, too. She wished she were dead. At least then she wouldn't have had to go through this—she wouldn't have to feel this extreme pain, this searing pain that was tearing her whole body apart. At least they would all be together, somewhere in the vast beyond._

_Ginny didn't know for how long she cried. Not even her mother's slow stroking of her back soothed her. Nothing could soothe her. After a long while, Ginny felt Charlie's hand on her shoulder._

_"We looked everywhere but we never found his body," Charlie said softly. "This was all we found."_

_Ginny released herself from her mother's arms and saw Charlie was holding Harry's wand._

_"We found this not far from where we found you."_

_Ginny slowly reached for it with shaking fingers. Harry would never leave his wand… no wizard would ever leave his wand, except…_

_Wave after wave of tears overcame her as Ginny held Harry's wand. Mrs. Weasley held her daughter in her arms as Ginny tried so hard to let everything sink in. She felt her whole world fall apart right there and then, as though a huge chunk was taken away from her. It was like plunging deep into a dark, fathomless abyss—a bottomless pit from which she knew she couldn't escape. She was not sure of where she was or where she was going. She was trapped. She couldn't do anything but accept Harry's death, no matter how painful it might be and no matter how much she wanted to deny it. Ginny wanted herself to believe that everything was just one bad dream, that she'd wake up the following morning finding everything was still in place. She told herself that this was just one of those dreams she'd had of the Chamber of Secrets, and that everything would be fine when she woke up. Everything._

Ginny pulled her knees up to her chin and rested her forehead on them as she relived those painful memories. A fresh set of tears clouded her vision, blurring the image of a smiling Harry beside her. It had been a painful and hard year for her. Her final year at Hogwarts had been so different from those previous; never in her first six years in the school had she found so many empty seats during the Welcoming Feast. And they were not only the seats vacated by those who had already finished school; almost a quarter of the students were gone. The atmosphere of the school had changed, too. Even though everyone was trying to regain the cheerfulness, sorrow and pain still lingered in the air.

She knew she had to continue living and not dwell on the past and on those what-could-have-beens—on how her life would be different if Harry was with her. She had to be strong for her family, for her mum, for her brothers; and yes, she did appear strong, but deep inside she was crumbling because of this loss. Because of losing Harry.

Quidditch was the only thing that could distract Ginny from everything. When she was up in the air, she forgot all the pain and worry, but when she landed back down, everything crashed back into her like a tidal wave. She would remember the jokes she and Harry had thrown at each other while they were walking to the changing rooms, how they had made fun of Ron even if his Keeping abilities had dramatically improved, how they had laughed and laughed like a couple of lunatics. Ginny would spend hours in Harry's old sanctuary beside the lake, staring at the setting sun, remembering him, remembering everything she loved about him—the way he smiled, the way his eyes sparkled when he laughed, the way he gazed into her eyes—the way she wanted to remember him and not the way she last saw him before he disappeared. Then she would remember her dreams of Harry. Harry's kiss.

Wiping her tears away, Ginny threw her covers and pushed open the hangings of her four-poster. She knew it was useless to go back to sleep now; she would just toss and turn for hours but sleep would escape her.

She padded out of her dormitory as quietly as possible so as not to wake up her fellow roommates and went down to the dimly lit common room. She sat on one of the armchairs by the fireplace and stared at the wall.

Ginny could still feel the weight of Harry's lips on hers. She grazed her tongue on her lips; they were still salty but it was probably because of her own tears, although that didn't chase away the lingering feeling of his lips. She just knew his kiss was real.

Her eyes trailed over the dying embers of the fire, which made her mind drift to another memory—the time when she sat on that very chair watching Harry and Ron sprawled across the hearthrug playing a game of wizard's chess.

Hermione was at the next table reading one of those thick library books she'd borrowed for the N.E.W.T.s. Ron was winning, of course, and Harry just muttered a string of curse words after Ron's bishop claimed his queen. She laughed.

"What are you laughing at, huh?" Harry pressed, giving her a mock scowl.

"Just the image of you losing," Ginny teased, giving him a satisfied smile.

Harry stood up and dragged Ginny out of her chair. "Come here and help me trounce this brother of yours."

"Hey, no fair! Two against one! Hermione, come here and help me!" Ron cried, standing up and dragging Hermione to where Harry and Ginny had been sitting.

"Cowering under Hermione's skirt?" Harry muttered under his breath so only Ginny could hear what he said. He caught her eye and they exchanged knowing looks before both of them burst out laughing.

Ginny sat there, smiling to herself as though she was watching them from afar. That was a month before the battle. The four of them had been laughing and having a great time, not knowing that it would be one of the last times they would spend time together.

Ginny was lost in her thoughts and nostalgic memories of Harry, Ron, Hermione, and herself when she heard a light tap on the window behind her. She turned around and saw a beautiful snowy owl perched on the windowsill. She stood up and opened the window to let Hedwig in.

"Hedwig," she whispered, stroking her head the minute the owl flew to her shoulders. Hedwig nipped Ginny's fingers affectionately, the same way Ginny saw her do to Harry.

Before she'd gone home for the summer break last year, Professor McGonagall had given Hedwig and Pig to Ginny instead of returning them to Eeylops Owl Emporium. "You might find her useful," Professor McGonagall had said. Ginny had kept Hedwig, while Charlie adopted Pig. Hedwig showed her the same loyalty she had shown Harry, and Ginny could see why he loved the owl very much. She normally just sent Hedwig to the Burrow to regularly check on how her mother was doing even if her four brothers were all there with their mum.

Ginny went back to her seat and continued staring into space and stroking Hedwig's smooth feathers. It was only then that she noticed a small piece of parchment tucked between Hedwig's talons, realizing that she had not seen the owl for quite some time. After Ginny had sent Hedwig to deliver a parcel to Bill, she hadn't returned immediately so that Ginny had been forced to use one of the school barn owls to send her letter to her mother. Ginny had thought that Hedwig just hadn't returned from her nightly hunt, and she'd shrugged it off. It only came to her now that the owl had been gone for weeks.

Hedwig stretched out her leg so Ginny could take the paper off her feet. It was an odd piece of parchment of some sort. There were words on it, but they were already blotched by what seemed like grease. Ginny held it up to her nose; it smelled as if it had been used to wrap food.

She studied the parchment closer, curious why Hedwig had brought it to her, and at this time of the day, too. Ginny turned it over and saw that there was something written on it in a script that was entirely different from the others.

There in the corner, written in a familiar scribble, was her name. _Ginny Weasley._

Ginny felt her heart burst out of her chest as she looked at the parchment closer. She knew this handwriting.

She turned to Hedwig, her eyes bright with unshed tears. Hedwig hooted and nipped Ginny's fingers before flying out the still-open window. Ginny kept her eyes on her until she could not see the owl anymore.

Everything came to her that very moment—the wand, the dream, the parchment.

No matter how often Ginny had that dream, it always ended the same way. After Harry whispered "I love you," he was gone. And Charlie had said that they'd found his wand not far from where they'd found her. It all fit.

Harry was alive. Ginny was sure of it.

"Luna! Luna, wait!" Ginny panted as she ran after Luna Lovegood the following morning. She had been on her way towards the Great Hall for breakfast when she spotted her friend at the bottom of the stairs.

Luna turned around and gave Ginny a smile. "Hey, Ginny."

Ginny held onto Luna's shoulders as she caught her breath after flying down the last flight of stairs to the entrance hall.

"Are you all right?" Luna asked, eyeing Ginny's disheveled state.

Because of all the crying she did the night before, Ginny's usually bright brown eyes were now puffy with dark circles under them. She had not been able to fall back to sleep after Hedwig left; all she could do was sit and stare at the fireplace, thinking of Harry and the proof the he was indeed alive.

"Yes, I'm all right," Ginny said, brushing the stray strands of her flaming red hair that escaped her loose ponytail off her face. "Listen, I have something to tell you." She then recounted what had happened and her conclusion on Harry's state.

"Let it go, Ginny," Luna said softly, adjusting her massive pumpkin earrings.

"But Luna, I know he's alive. I can feel he's alive."

Luna looked at Ginny, her eyes devoid of their usual dreamy expression.

"Like how you believed that the Blibbering Humdinger or the Crumple-Horned Snorkack exist, I believe he's alive," Ginny went on, desperately trying to make Luna see what she was saying.

"Excuse me?" Luna said indignantly. "They do exist. There were sightings."

"And I have proof that says he's alive, too!"

"Ginny, it was just a dream—"

"But the parchment! Harry wrote it. It's his handwriting!"

"He could have written it way back and Hedwig just found it." Luna heaved a sigh and gave Ginny a weak smile. "Ginny, I know this is hard for you. It's hard for all of us. But there are times that you just have to let go."

Ginny stared at Luna incredulously as the other girl continued walking towards the Great Hall. She was surprised to hear those words from Luna's mouth. If there was one person who would believe her, she had expected it to be Luna. Never in her life had she anticipated Luna to tell her to "let go."

Instead of following her friend to the Great Hall, Ginny pushed open the castle doors and walked around the grounds. She needed to get out of there, out of the place where nobody believed her.

After minutes of walking aimlessly, Ginny found herself at the same spot beside the lake where she had spent so much of her time. _Harry's sanctuary. _

Ginny sat down on the ground and flung a piece of rock her hands had lain on, her eyes moistening again for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. Images of her and Harry in that same spot came floating across the sky as if there was a huge projector flashing a silent movie before her.

Harry and Ginny laughing and making fun of each other… Harry tickling her sides… Ginny whacking him endlessly… the two of them talking… the two of them watching the sunset... Harry playing with a Snitch and Ginny watching in awe… Harry softly kissing the top of her head…

Ginny made a silent vow to herself, and to Harry, that she would find him as soon as she left Hogwarts. She knew she would be able to find him. She might not have a clear idea of how she would be able to find him, but she just knew she would. Her heart said she would. They might not believe her, but she knew that she was right. Something in her kept on telling her to continue believing and to never let go of that hope. To never believe what the others were telling her because she knew deep down that he was still alive.

Ginny wiped her tears with the sleeves of her robes and took a deep breath. _Even if no one believes me, I don't care_, she told herself. _I know what I know. I know what I believe in._

Ginny knew that this hope was the only thing that would keep her going everyday, the only thing that could make her want to live through each day. This was what she was holding onto, that she had to continue living because she knew she'd be able to find Harry…. Then they would finally be together.

And then everything would be all right.

_A/N: I'd like to say thanks to Evanescence's My Immortal for giving me the "divine intervention" for this one. I didn't originally plan to write an outtake about Ginny's side of the story, but the song made me change my mind. And I'm glad it did. _

_Much love and thanks goes out to the best beta readers in the whole world, KC, Fil, and Mea, who all helped me get through some sticky situations in this fic. You guys are the greatest!_


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